You're probably here because you want some fresh news about ME. Hey, that's your lucky day. Here is the amazing news about my day so far. And I can tell you that it would have been a near perfect day without that stupid monkey!
12h = I wake up. I've got a damn headache, I don't know why. I just drank two Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters last night. And the girl just had three nipples. Quite boring in fact. Mmmh... Isn't it a bit early yet? No suns. It's dark. Oh, yeah, we're in space, of course. i'd better get up and have a look at myself in the mirror to start a good day.
14h48 = Wow! I'm even more beautiful than yesterday! And wait till I put that damn cool red-pink-yellow boxers and it will be perfect....
15h15 = Yeah! This boxers are too sexy. Should better put something else on or I will have half the women of the galaxy running after me.
15h30 = Ok, now back to the good old mirror. Who is the more attractive guy in town? Ok, ok, I would love to autograph again this mirror to myself but there is no room left on the damn thing. Should get an other mirror. If I wasn't so busy!
16h12 = Just put on my fluorescent dressing gown, took a pack of crisps and a ready to drink cocktail in the fridge and went to watch the 5D TV. with luck they will show news about ME to tell the universe that their president is the brightest guy around!
16h14 = Nothing on TV. Not even the smallest image of me. That's scandalous!
16h16 = I'm bored. I will drink an other cocktail. Damn, no more crisps in the fridge! Where is this stupid Earthman?! Told to Ford that his monkey ate all my crisps but he didn't seem to bother at all! What a heartless prick he can be sometimes! He doesn't listen to me. He Keeps talking about Vogons hunting us down. Forget the Vogons! We're talking about crisps, man !
16h25 = Found the Monkey. He was playing with the Nutrimatic Drink dispenser. Still trying to get some tea out of the stupid thing ! I told him that in the meantime he didn't have to eat all my crisps, and that monkey should eat just bananas. But the damn monkey got wild. These animals can't remain cool more than one minute! I would have almost lost my coolness but Trillian got in and told us to keep quiet and come to the bridge because Vogons were attacking us! I told both of them that I didn't mind one second about the damn Vogons. They probably just want to be close to me. I'll turn down my charisma down a notch and they'll soon get bored and drift away! But instead of eyeing me with frank admiration. Trillian was in anger. These earth species are so nervous!
19h28 = I've been all around that damn spaceship looking for crisps but there's no more hope. I can't die without a last pack of crisps so I ran to the Bridge to save our lives and beat this damn Vogons. Ford, Trillian and the Earthman were there, quite happy with themselves. It seems that they used the Improbability Drive and that the Vogon spaceship turned into the biggest pack of crisps you've ever seen. And they're laughing! There's a giant pack of crisps just in front of me... but out of touch and lost in the space and they're laughing ! They had to stop me because I wanted to jump in the void of space to take back the pack of crisps. Hell to them! I will have to drink at least five Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters to forget this horrible day! And if I wake up with a headache it will be their fault!
